Five Lessons For The Workplace

Story: 1
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. When he found CEO
standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important
document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on,
inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent,
excellent!" said the CEO. As his paper disappeared inside the machine,
"I just need one copy."
Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything

Story: 2
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the
window: "I want to open a damn checking account." To which the
astonished woman replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have
misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up bitch! I said , I
want to open a damn checking account right now!" "I'm very sorry sir,
but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank." Having
said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank
manager to tell him about her problem customer.
They both return and the manager asks the old geezer: "What seems to
be the problem here?" "There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly
man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want
to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!" "I see," says the
manager thoughtfully. "And you're saying that this bitch here is
giving you a hard time?"
Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything.

Story: 3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA
when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese
are you?"
Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you
mean. The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the
Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated,
then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese, Japanese,
Vietnamese!, etc......???
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese." A while later the
Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of
'-key' am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkey, or
monkee?"
Lesson III - Never insult anyone.

Story: 4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a British and a French,
who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a
genie appeared . Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the
bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give
each of you a wish.
When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the
pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and
shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The
Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is
the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted," VODKA" and immersed
himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so
contented with his beer pool. The last is the British. He was running
towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped
towards the pool and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!........."
Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes
what you say accidentally does happen.

Story: 5
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to
a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder
lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says,
"Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will
allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouts, I want the
first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no
worries for a month. "Pfufffff, and he is gone. ! Now the junior
manager could not keep quiet and shouts, "I want to be in Florida with
beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails for a month." Pfufffff,
and he is also gone. Then it's the boss's turn, and he says calmly "I
want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"
Lesson V- "Always allow the bosses to speak first".

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.