I have balls ;P

This was really funny this was written by a Guy... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Have a sense of humor!

I have never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and
Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and
women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads
to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just
love me for who I ! am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went
to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend
time with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big unnamed department store.


I walked around with her while she tried on several different
very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one
to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I
said,"Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelery department where she picked out a
pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I
was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a
tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That! 's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction fro m all of the
excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said,
"I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I
don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me,
I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the
things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either...but at least
that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Alright girls. Forward this if you agree. Hell even if you
disagree, forward it.

Men, forward this because you have balls.

Woman Golfer

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.   The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay."     For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.     Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.     Male readers: Please scroll down ... ... . .. ... ... ... .... ... .. ... ... The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.   Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show. 

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!  

MUTHU JOKES

MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER
Interviewer : What is your birth date?
Muthu : 13th October
Interviewer : Which year?
Muthu : ... EVERY YEAR

MUTHU & HIS MANAGER=
Manager asked Muthu at an interview....
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Muthu replied: P-O-S-T-B-O- X

MUTHU & LONDON TRIP
After returning back from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, Do I look
like a foreigner?
Wife : No! Why?
Muthu : In London, a lady asked me, "Are you a foreigner?".. that's why ..
Wife : SHOCKED!

MUTHU & TOURIST
One tourist from U.S.A.asked Muthu whether any great man born in this
village or not .. and Muthu said .. "No sir, only babies were born here ..
"

MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT
Muthu was doing experiment with cockroach. First he cut it's one leg and
told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked.
Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut
the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered
it walk! But cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly Muthu said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs,
it becomes deaf.
Muthu become a saint!

MUTHU & DRIVER
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the driver
adjusted mirror. Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife ?
Sit back. I will drive.

MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL
Muthu went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he
started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he
doing. Muthu pointed towards the board " WASHBASIN"

MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART
Interviewer : Just imagine your in 20th floor in a building, it caught fire
and how will you escape ?
Muthu : It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination .. :)

Oh .. i forgot .. the funniest part ..
On a political rally Muthu was arrested. Why ????????????
Because, a woman journalist walking with a badge wrote "PRESS" on her right
chest ... and he did it !

Sweetest revenge

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle ofspring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, thehouse began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning,mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a pricet hat was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving companies pack everything to take to their new home........ .

And to spite the ex-wife; they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!

SALT...........

This incident happened on the air....

 Yasmin Yusof, a DJ on Radio 4 asked listeners on her radio program to call to answer trivia questions. The first caller

to give the correct answer would get a prize from the sponsor.

She asked: "Can anyone out there tell me the household name of Sodium Chloride"

A caller who is a housewife called up eager to answer the question. Not knowing the answer to the question, she asked Yasmin for a clue.

"Something you put on your husband's eggs in the morning." She said.

The lady confidently said : "Talcum powder".

Yasmin Yusof did not return to the air until after a few songs!