tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-308572942011-11-28T08:01:49.468+08:00cool funny interesting jokes whatever things that make you at least smile :)<br>warning!!! - adult/sex jokes inside!caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.comBlogger1491100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-54035544899401781012007-11-26T11:08:00.001+08:002007-11-26T11:08:49.898+08:00

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts I t over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Arlene: Where did you get it? Jane: You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Arlene hobbles

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-36556647751942065522007-11-04T11:43:00.001+08:002007-11-04T11:43:28.757+08:00

It was opening night at the Orpheum theater and the Amazing Eileen was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do her stuff.As the Amazing Eileen took to the stage, she announced, ''Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'' The excitement

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A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically toher husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?" With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight." That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to hiswife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-43315626566449278712007-11-01T10:06:00.001+08:002007-11-01T10:06:08.594+08:00

Once there was a Chinese wedding dinner. The dinner occupied only half the restaurant. The other half was occupied by some American tourists. As the wedding Chinese couples hop from table to table to toast the guests, the cheers of " KAN PEI .. " (happy & joyous drinking) gets louder and louder. One American gets more and more irritated as the couple get closer to him. " KAN PEI ...!"KAN ...

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Marriage Life Before and After !! Before marriage.Darling here.. darling there...After marriage. Baling here... baling there.. Before marriage.I die for you. . .After marriage."You die, up to you. "Lagi lama married.You die I help you! Before marriage.You go anywhere. . I follow you.After marriage. .. You go anywhere. . up to you .Lagi lama married. You go anywhere better get lost!! Before

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-23820964031717401312007-10-19T10:54:00.001+08:002007-10-19T10:54:28.497+08:00

This was really funny this was written by a Guy... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Have a sense of humor!I have never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and womendiffer so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus andMars thing.I have never figured out why men think with their head andwomen with their heart.FOR EXAMPLE:One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-55906394398040803812007-10-09T16:04:00.001+08:002007-10-09T16:04:33.717+08:00

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.   The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-84813351531622096202007-09-24T12:03:00.001+08:002007-09-24T12:03:58.436+08:00

MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER Interviewer : What is your birth date? Muthu : 13th October Interviewer : Which year? Muthu : ... EVERY YEAR MUTHU & HIS MANAGER= Manager asked Muthu at an interview.... Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? Muthu replied: P-O-S-T-B-O- X MUTHU & LONDON TRIP After returning back from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-73782875467340828392007-09-22T11:28:00.001+08:002007-09-22T11:28:23.030+08:00

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle ofspring-water. When she had finished, she

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-37902651619947604872007-09-13T10:08:00.001+08:002007-09-13T10:08:23.824+08:00

This incident happened on the air....  Yasmin Yusof, a DJ on Radio 4 asked listeners on her radio program to call to answer trivia questions. The first caller to give the correct answer would get a prize from the sponsor. She asked: "Can anyone out there tell me the household name of Sodium Chloride" A caller who is a housewife called up eager to answer the question. Not knowing the answer to the

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-87097595277362913452007-09-10T11:09:00.001+08:002007-09-10T11:09:47.359+08:00

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.He asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"She replied, "I'm having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"She answered, "He sure is."Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby." With an even more

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-81146013635697787622007-09-07T11:48:00.001+08:002007-09-07T11:48:51.077+08:00

A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABC Hospital.The doctor asked, 'What can I do for you?'The man said, 'Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?'The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, 'There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse' and charged them RM60.00.This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-40424323663495412832007-09-06T10:14:00.001+08:002007-09-06T10:14:14.091+08:00

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young boy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.He approached the young man and calmly said to him,How much do you earn?"The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2 000.00 a month, Sir.   Why?"Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $ 6000.00 cash then gave it to

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-87786196341872102532007-08-22T12:51:00.001+08:002007-08-22T12:52:23.499+08:00

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-39439715875282356552007-08-17T10:23:00.001+08:002007-08-17T10:23:33.819+08:00

       Love is holding hands in the street.       Marriage is holding arguments in the street.       Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.       Marriage is a take home packet.       Love is cuddling on a sofa.        Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.       Love is talking about having children.       Marriage is talking about getting away from children.       Love is going

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-9624604224041860992007-08-16T18:14:00.001+08:002007-08-16T18:17:22.371+08:00

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-29085066332251408012007-08-09T10:08:00.001+08:002007-08-09T10:08:49.173+08:00

Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?A: Both keep searching for new holes. Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period? A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble. Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology? A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology.When the baby

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-16583384954611665282007-08-01T12:23:00.000+08:002007-08-01T12:24:56.411+08:00

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-91906833947384564052007-07-31T11:08:00.001+08:002007-07-31T11:08:28.788+08:00

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.No matter what; metal,wood,stone,Anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-31000526461461344832007-07-30T10:45:00.001+08:002007-07-30T10:45:04.693+08:00

One of the main reasons why in recent years the Malaysian Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago. It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple 

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-74148513308254501102007-07-26T11:49:00.000+08:002007-07-26T11:54:15.230+08:00

It's happen in AH Kow PressCaller: Hi, our printer is not working. Customer Service: What's wrong with it?Caller: Mouse is jammed and cannot print. Customer Service: Mouse? And how it is related to printer? Caller: Mmmm.. , See I attached a picture for you.......

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-64459951982430524162007-07-25T11:25:00.001+08:002007-07-25T11:25:40.026+08:00

This puzzle is called  Lateral Thinking . . . Just Check it Out ! ! !!   Scroll down slowly  and be honest with yourself.     Think like a  wizard . . .       man   1.  ------------ board   Answer  = man overboard   Okay,  let's see if you've got the hang of it.         stand    2. ------------ i                     Answer  = I understand         OK

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-13774826626489615992007-07-24T11:46:00.001+08:002007-07-24T11:46:49.494+08:00

1.Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?   Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.2. Doctor: your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.            Wife: When must I give them to him?     Doctor: They are for you. 3. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.    At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-80441382961279552192007-07-23T10:03:00.001+08:002007-07-23T10:03:32.024+08:00

                      There was this Asian lady married to an American                      gentleman  and they lived in Honolulu ...                      The poor lady was not very proficient in English,                      but managed to communicate with her husband.  The                       real problem arose whenever she had to shop for                      groceries.                      

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-70991945897067295892007-07-19T11:42:00.001+08:002007-07-19T11:42:15.358+08:00

Who says our English is teruk? Just see below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-point, effective etc......... WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you. Malaysians: No Stock. RETURNING A CALL Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-83887138299211400342007-07-18T09:00:00.001+08:002007-07-18T09:00:23.001+08:00

Ok, maybe some women are occasionally pretty complex individuals. But having thought about it, Im wondering if its simplicity that makes us more complicated that we really are? Perhaps its take a real genius of a man to understand us but I dont believe we're really that intricate, are we? . Here're some interesting observations about us women.... 1. Fine : This is the word women use to end an

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-51326095164911139802007-07-17T16:23:00.001+08:002007-07-17T16:23:21.979+08:00

   Story I   E: Do u have a boyfriend?   C: I have.   E: Is he working Locally?   C: No. He is working Overseas.   E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u!   C: Why?   E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company  don't want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u.   Story II   E: Any girl friends?   C: No!   E: So far chased any before?   C:

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-67375603433458408202007-07-16T15:36:00.001+08:002007-07-16T15:36:16.448+08:00

Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though. Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-55396809380450189642007-07-13T10:55:00.001+08:002007-07-13T10:55:28.014+08:00

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: IPOH driver2. One hand on wheel, one hand out the window with cigarette: KEPONG driver.3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: DOWNTOWN KUALA LUMPUR driver.4. One hand on wheel, one hand on parang, foot solidly on accelerator:   JOHOR driver. 5. One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-14783360742874804542007-07-12T17:54:00.001+08:002007-07-12T17:54:51.974+08:00

Three answers most scared by men1. WhateverMen: What to have for dinner?Women: Whatever..Men: Why not we have steamboat? Women: Don't want la, eat steamboat later got pimples in my faceMen: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisineWomen: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafoodWomen: Seafood no good la, later I got diarrheaMen: Then what you suggest?

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-89859785198187981252007-07-11T15:31:00.001+08:002007-07-11T15:31:18.311+08:00

Here is something interesting. ..Our FRIEND WAS chatting with a female - Online chat.(Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's)Hero : Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today? Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chatHero : wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on ChatFemale: Yep...me too feel

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-57204754719328291342007-07-10T12:56:00.001+08:002007-07-10T12:56:46.469+08:00

There are few things which perhaps we didn't knew, like......1. Coca-Cola was originally green.2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.3.The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-38100840035693789362007-07-09T14:56:00.001+08:002007-07-09T14:56:46.433+08:00

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my

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Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?    Boyfriend:  Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday     Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?      Customer: What other colors do you have?     Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.      Job Applicant:  That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-28289266681134332572006-11-17T09:00:00.000+08:002006-11-17T09:06:04.824+08:00

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156915469027451402006-08-30T16:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:33.002+08:00

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"And Paddy (for it was he) replied "Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156569758159971102006-08-30T14:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:32.629+08:00

Man : How old is your father?Boy : As old as me.Man : How can that be?Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156915127678694642006-08-30T11:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:32.863+08:00

A politician visited a car factory. The manager went out of the way to show him around & at the end of the tour, offered the Minister a free car.'Oh, no,' said the Minister, 'I cannot accept it.''In that case I'll sell it to you for one hundred.'The Minister handed the Manager two one-hundred notes:"In that case, I'll have two."Johnny comes back to his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"He

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156569150513206172006-08-28T16:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:32.486+08:00

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156568956236105832006-08-28T13:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:32.325+08:00

As an old man was driving down the freeway, his mobile phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!""It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156568432745919962006-08-28T09:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:32.146+08:00

A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton taxi. The taxi driver took his sweet time driving within the speed limit but the Jap was getting impatient.The following is their conversation on the way to the airport.A Toyota Camry overtook the taxi.....zoom....Jap: Look ...look ...Toyota!! ...very fast!!!.... made in Japan! Proton...no good.... made in

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156496393061209192006-08-25T16:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:32.015+08:00

A policeman was testing 3 brothers who were training to become detectives.To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first one a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"The first one answers, "That's easy; we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156496326850249332006-08-25T14:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:31.833+08:00

They cannot miss the T.V. Serials even if there are floods!!!!Look at the expression of worry on the husband' s face :)A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said another.Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans.

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156496193981423202006-08-25T11:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:31.673+08:00

A woman was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, admiring herself in her expensive new outfit, her husband looking on with disinterest remarks,"Your bum looks like the size of a three burner B.B.Q!"Later that evening, tucked up and cosy in bed, he lent over, tapped her on the shoulder and asked hopefully;"How about it?"She replied "Its hardly worth lighting the B.B.Q for half a saugage"Girl:

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A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks, the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back.""Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I' m going to have a beer."The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156400885958666942006-08-24T14:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:31.416+08:00

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5 days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156400381370752362006-08-24T11:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:31.266+08:00

Johan, a 'young' Malaysian tourist on his first visit to London, locates the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!Seeing this, the madam sends over a more

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156207424741420282006-08-22T16:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:31.040+08:00

There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the females. He hired a French guy who didn't speak much English, but was a very good worker.After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French worker was just about to throw away the "parts", but the sheep farmer yelled, "No

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156208401745376642006-08-22T13:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:31.159+08:00

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156206506829593982006-08-22T08:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:30.889+08:00

A Lawyer dies and goes to heaven. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter."Hello mate," says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no lawyers in heaven.""What?" exclaims the man, astonished."You heard, no lawyers.""But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Lawyer."Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?""Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 dollars

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156128138838199372006-08-21T16:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:30.741+08:00

These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.Check out the last one. Tooo good.Q: What is your date of birth?A: July fifteenth.Q: What year?A: Every year.______________________________________

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Johnny's wish: "When i die, i wanna die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving"

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1156127073847438742006-08-21T09:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:30.480+08:00

A Professor at one of the IIM's was explaining marketing concepts to the students:-1 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:"I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing2 You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:"He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising3 You see a gorgeous

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155811146482454512006-08-18T16:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:30.359+08:00

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Kotex and proceed to the checkout counter.The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?""Eight," the boy replies.The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for?""Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155810922046194262006-08-18T13:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:30.240+08:00

Johnny at an Art Gallery: "I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art???Art dealer: "I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!"

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155803878152758652006-08-18T08:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:30.119+08:00

I just got this sms...Please take note.Effective 28th August 2006, Datuk Khalid Jiwa or better known as Datuk K will transfer & deposit his mani into his new Sitibank account. Thank you.A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire.""And what was he before you married him." Asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire".

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155725700246254432006-08-17T16:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:29.991+08:00

A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to give an example his students could relate to.He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"She replied, "He's probably golfing with

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155725287099708402006-08-17T13:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:29.874+08:00

Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packageJohnny: Why did you come so far. Instead you could have posted it....

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155725012613474932006-08-17T08:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:29.739+08:00

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155637961161208332006-08-16T16:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:29.605+08:00

Once, there was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he would be on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds were in the sky, and the temperature was just right.The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155637482210885962006-08-16T13:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:29.319+08:00

Pre-school children were asked the following question:"In which direction is the bus pictured below traveling?"Look carefully at the picture.Do you know the answer?The only possible answers are "left" or "right."Think about itStill don't know?Okay, I'll tell you.The pre-schoolers all answered "right."I'm sure you also can get it right, but can you give the reason why?When asked, "Why do you think

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155637666056722112006-08-16T08:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:29.457+08:00

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze.While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.While this is going on, one of the lawyers jams something into the other lawyer's hand.

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155438349996125452006-08-15T16:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:29.165+08:00

A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."The manager says: "You're both wrong. It's best

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155436077614869372006-08-15T13:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:27.990+08:00

Don't get caught if you cheat on your wife or you'll see your own ad later :PRead this true story here.When a wife was asked,"What book do you like best?"She answers:"My husband's cheque book."

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155437913004520472006-08-15T08:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:29.003+08:00

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American.She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.There is, however, one exception.A girl named Ah Lian has not gone along with the crowd.The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different."

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155437598278344252006-08-14T16:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:28.293+08:00

A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155368848306224422006-08-14T14:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:27.842+08:00

Johnny was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".After much thought he wrote: Yes!

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155437055915786132006-08-14T08:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:28.115+08:00

A successful playboy Johnny, a seventy-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy twenty five years old blond who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Johnny's arm and listens intently to his every word.His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155210478059368092006-08-11T16:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:27.679+08:00

An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155210193339644802006-08-11T13:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:27.582+08:00

Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155209983358440402006-08-11T08:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:27.464+08:00

Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.2nd Child: Why are you crying?1st Child: I came here for a blood test.2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.At this, the second one started crying profusely.The first one was astonished.1st Child: Why are you crying now?2nd Child: I came for a urine test !Teacher: "I killed

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155128409350168132006-08-10T16:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:27.319+08:00

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria, BC recently was faced with a unique problem.A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1154853844274045982006-08-10T13:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:27.115+08:00

No wonder I'm getting more & more spams!!!Somebody is hiring them! Got free demo some more...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?A widow.

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1155128060120837892006-08-10T08:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:27.222+08:00

What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:"This should be taken care of right away."I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself."Welllllll, what have we here...?"He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue."Let me check your medical history."I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1154629192955334962006-08-09T16:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:26.758+08:00

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.The mechanic

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1154629685251031322006-08-09T14:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:26.852+08:00

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"The salesman

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1154629831542433952006-08-09T09:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:26.973+08:00

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1154629016509310172006-08-08T17:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:26.627+08:00

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day,She gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.She said, " Let's start with the boys first."Boys start giving their intro...First boy: " My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."Teacher was confused to listen but said, " Interesting. Well, Ok. In fact

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1154628811092511082006-08-08T14:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:26.461+08:00

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brown suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1154628526163329662006-08-08T08:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:26.369+08:00

There once was a very good old barber in New York. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I a m doing community service."The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1154628394446550832006-08-07T16:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:26.266+08:00

NAMES OF WIVESOne man had 4 wives, so he called his4th wife..... baby doll,3rd wife ....china doll2nd wife.....barbie doll1st wife..... panadolHOW INDIA GOT ITS NAMEThis is how India got its name.....The king was having sex with his mistresswhile thinking a name of his country andhis mistress ask him "is it In Dear?".RESEARCH FINDINGResearch shows men are fatter than womenbecause every-night men

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A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the top part.Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half.He is really

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1154627877105213862006-08-07T08:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:26.002+08:00

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, " Father, may I ask a favor?"" Of course. What may I do for you?"" Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps ?"" I would love to help you, dear,

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A soldier ran up to a nun and asked her, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirt for a few minutes. I'll explain why later." The nun agreed to his request. Shortly thereafter, two Military Police came running along and asked her if she had seen a soldier running down the road.She replied, "He went that way."After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I

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One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascallyBehavior that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sentThe angel to Earth for a time.When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% areMisbehaving and only 5% are not."God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down aSecond angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel andSent

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1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?1st woman: I froze to death.2nd woman: How horrible!1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, Igegan to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.What about you?2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that myhusband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the

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For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. Hisfather said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on thishouse is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we canafford it."The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the frontdoor with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"Little Patrick told him; "I was walking past your room last

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Well, now...... here's something I never knew before, and now that Iknow it. Isn't History more fun when you know something about it?Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipatingvictory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of allcaptured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would beimpossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1154566980663651812006-08-03T09:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:25.416+08:00

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was sopleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race, and it won again.The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered thepastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'SASS.This was too

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1. You can stare at any girls....... 2. You don't have to spend money on her. 3. You won't get boring result in ur board papers. 4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u. 6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend isautomatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy. 7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody

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A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease."Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?""Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?""Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?""And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?""Mr. Brown, that's interesting,

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Life before marriage is HOTLINK"You can express yourself".During honeymoon is TMTOUCH"Always get in Touch".After Honeymoon is MAXIS"Wherever you go your wife network follows".After one year Life is DIGI"Your wife can change your life ".After 10 years Life is CELCOM"Subscriber is not reachable?????????"Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too BUT if you press the wrong button you'll

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My wife and I are in our midlife, sexually she is more in it than myself.So I am a man trying to trick her back in youth by hook and crook.Long captive in married knot of some twenty five years, I took a look at my wifeone day and I said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car,slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep everynight with a

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1154420516547016252006-08-01T14:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:24.834+08:00

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?Magnets have a positive side!

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In a second grade sex education class, a little girl asks,"Teacher, can my momma get pregnant?"The teacher asks, "How old is your mother?"The little girl says, "Forty."The teacher says, "Yes, your mother could get pregnant."The little girl asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"The teacher asks, "How old is your sister?"The little girl answers, "Nineteen."The teacher says, "Oh my yes, your sister

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A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem"I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?""That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots

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Why do men like love at first sight?It saves them a lot of time.

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1154247993717085082006-07-31T09:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:23.956+08:00

Come Home LateA woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him. "Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, " You see, his

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An Indian moves to Montreal and goes to a big department store looking for a job.The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?"The Indian says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home".Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice. If a customer comesLooking, say, for

caffeineforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11815106652275398697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30857294.post-1153906921377994972006-07-28T14:30:00.000+08:002006-11-16T03:50:23.261+08:00

Never put off the work till tomorrow.What you can put off today.

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